Does Marriage Counseling Actually Develop a Difference When Your Wife Is Leaving?
«Does marriage counseling work? My family and i have tried seeing a relationship counselor for the last number of weeks, but it doesn’t seem like it’s doing anything… What am I doing wrong?»
If you’re numerous of the lost and confused husbands in the 21st century, then in order to already tried essentially the most commonly prescribed solution to any marriage problem, i.e. marriage guidance.
I don’t know when it became such common practice, but somehow the go-to solution regarding any and all problems could plague a wedding (separation, loss of passion, divorce, infidelity, lack of communication, etc.), the most prominent and widely advice that you’re going to get is «have you tried marriage mental health care?»
You would expect such a booming and reputable industry would be so highly recommended due to its high success rate, right? In other words, marriage counseling is so popular because it has a history of legitimately fixing the marriage problems that plague so many relationships these days, exact?
Did you know…
Marriage Counseling have the Highest Failure Rate of Any Therapy
Yup, marriage counseling and marriage counselors have the particular success rate of every other counseling or therapy related field.
So, does marriage counseling work? I’d personally say ‘not even close’.
* Drug addicts in rehab have a higher effectiveness than marriage counselors
* Alcoholics in AA have a better success rate than marriage counselors
* Anger management therapy has a large success rate than marriage counselors
* Perhaps the prison counseling programs for murderers, rapists and other criminals possess a higher recovery rate than marriage counseling
You would think that for about $200 per hour there’d be some kind of guarantee that you’d see lead to your marriage, but this is absolutely incorrect. Marriage counseling DOES Operate for most couples, and marriage counseling success rates are surprisingly low (less than 25%).
There is a form of couple which could benefit from marriage and family counseling, but it’s the exception, not the signal. Most marriage counselors don’t effectively address the true issues which have been leaving both wife ‘unfulfilled in our marriage’.
Does Marriage Counseling Exercise? Do We Have the Highest Divorce Rates, Actually?
Admittedly, according to recent statistics, the divorce rate found has finally come to somewhat with a plateau earlier couple years because less people are getting married, so there are less couples to divorce or separation.
But still, in solutions 10 — 25 years divorce rates have sky rocketed, we want one to really think about this for a moment in time… Doesn’t it seem strange that the rise in divorce rates correlates almost directly with all the thriving marriage counseling industry? Some might argue that this seems sensible because more divorces need more marriage counseling, but what if the true source with the problem wasn’t actually divorce, but fundamental ineffectiveness, even counter-productivity, of marriage direction?
I’ll a person an sort of this — My own parents are divorced. These married in almost 20 years, and they tried my way through the book to save their marriage. They tried not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE different marriage counselors throughout 10 YEARS, and not a single one of them did anything to save their marriage.
In fact, the marriage only ever got worse because mom and dad became frustrated with their lack of progress, and that frustration led to even more problems a marriage.
In other words, marriage counseling added fuel to the fire, and it poisoned my parents’ marital.
Now, I am not saying saying to be real . marriage counselors are complete quacks, but a surprising amount flip out. Their marriage counseling methods and techniques are reported by theory, conjecture and textbooks, not actual romantic or human experience or even on successful marriages.
Many Marriage Therapists Lack Proven or Relevant Experience
This could possibly be said about many therapy related fields, nevertheless i feel that it can especially true in marriage counseling. I understand of multiple marriage counselors who have actually completed a divorce, but in order to teach others how repair their marriage. Clearly these people have no idea what works if they can’t even save their own marriage, sort of search you have confidence in them to save yours?
Again, I’d rather not make any overly broad generalizations here, but I feel such marriage counseling field has become equivalent with divorce lawyers… It’s just one more cog on machine leading to the simultaneous degradation and capitalization of marriage found. I mean, from a price standpoint they’re both display… It will run you about $400 for one to talk on the phone with the divorce attorney, including single marriage counseling session will usually cost you at least $100, for a ‘good’ type.
These are people that know you’re desperate usually are willing in order to advantage of the are personal gain.
Think about it, if you’re truly believe in helping people and saving marriages, a person demand $300 per session for something you haven’t even seen consistently yield gains? I’m not saying it’s morally wrong to charge a lot of money for your services, in case there’s such an abundance money involved it’s only natural to question true motives, especially without leads to justify a price.
Think about it, most marriage counselors recommend at least 10 sessions to see results within your marriage, which means you’re dropping $1,000 to $2,000 on totally unproven techniques and strategies.
Which brings me towards implied second part very own original challenge… Does marriage counseling work, and why or not really try?
And to me, this is what seems to be the reason most marriage counselors fail:
Most Marriage Counselors Tend to be Trained To research Problems, Not Create Solutions
This precisely what I really think it is dependant on… Everything that your average marriage counselor has learned, and in turn everything they teach you, was quite possibly written the psychologist.
All those actions that your marriage counselor tells you…
* «Just keep working at it»…
* «Communication is the key»…
* «Be more open with each other»…
* «Start having intimacy time»…
* «Date nights the particular answer»…
* «Make her feel loved»…
All associated with things are written in some text book somewhere this textbook was written by psychologist. They’re things that ladies think they want, and they do when everything has already been perfect, but they will NOT save your marriage.
These widespread things you ought to doing whenever your marriage is thriving, similar to characteristics of this successful marriage than actual techniques to fix a broken one.
But You are Clearly See Their Train of Thought…
A good marriage has open communication, right? So it ‘makes sense’ that repair a broken marriage you will need to develop open communication, most suitable?
A good marriage has spouses who enjoy intimacy time with each other, power? So, it ‘makes sense’ to express that if you force intimacy time you’ll fix your marriage, effectively?
But marriage isn’t backwards compatible prefer that… It doesn’t work because these logical solutions are NOT going perform when there is no feelings of attraction or emotional fondness behind themselves. So even if you’re going through the motions correctly, there is not a guarantee you actually fix your nation.
In fact, if anything you’re almost guaranteed to get it worse, because you’ll remind your wife how bad things need that she can’t feel ANYTHING even when you’re apparently trying challenging.
Remember, attraction is the only thing that preserve your marriage. Without attraction there is no emotional incentive driving your wife to go back to you… Logic, reason, counseling, courses, books, rational techniques and perseverance will not save your marriage. Feelings, emotion and passion really does.
So, does couples counseling work? Does marriage counseling work? Maybe I should let your own experiences offer you the definitive answer, but of all of quarry experience I’d personally say you may be better off trying to repair things by themselves than by using a counselor.
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